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Meet Gregg Bleakney. Avarage software salesman, in his 30s. Why should we care? Because he pedaled the whole Pan American Highway, from Alaska to Tierra del Fuego. This trip took two years of hardship, peril, adventure and self-exploration. Many could say “2 years, that’s a lot”. Or “That’s too dangerous”. Or “He threw it all away to go on some mid-life crisis trip”. I think that he did probably the best thing he could have done. Yes, it took two years and it was dangerous. And yes, he passed up on two 9-to-5 years. But he LIVED for 2 years. You see, when you were a kid, curiosity might have given you that inside tingle to just go and explore. Your parents surely told you not to go too far away from your house or your playing spot. But you did that anyway. You went a little farther than allowed. Then farther and farther. Just for the hell of it. Chances are nothing bad happened. Or at least nothing permanently life changing for the worse. And I bet you felt good about yourself. Because you overcame some limits just by your own will and power. Now fast-forward 25 years later. Why don’t you do that anymore? Why don’t you do something adventurous, just for the hell of it? I know, because you’re a grown up now. You have responsibilities. People expect things from you. You have to have a job and make a living. You have to buy that new house. You can’t act childishly. Or can you? Gregg Bleakney lived in 2 years more than most of us in 10 years. Think of it this way: Nobody wants to die. If you were faced with the choice of living 60 years versus 120 years, you’d probably choose the latter. Unfortunately you can’t make that choice. But you can live in 2 years more than others in 10. And that’s kind of getting to make that choice.
We all feel on an intuitive level that when we talk face to face with somebody, a lot more than the words bouncing back and forth is being communicated. There’s been a study that has been quoted by lots of people regarding this fenomenon.
The study says that communication is made up of:
55% body language
38% tone of voice
7% words
Unfortunately these numbers have been taken out of context, as they are true only when people are communicating about their feelings and likes/dislikes.
Nevertheless, it seems something does happen when two people communicate face to face. A study from the University of Pennsylvania showed that when two people interact, as much as 10,000 units of information flow between them every second. What you talk about with somebody is only the tip of the iceberg. The huge majority of the communication is taking place subconsciously.
That’s why, it seems, evolution has created the “first impression”. First impressions are a pretty good assessment of somebody’s personality in just a few seconds. What’s most impressive about first impressions is that most of the time they are right on the money.
When you meet somebody online and manage to “connect”, you don’t have the “luxury” of the first impression. So my advice is to actually meet people in person. A first impression can be created quickly, and it will help you know more about that person intuitively that what you found out by IM or Twitter. It might take more time this way, but the ROI, so to speak, is much greater. Online communication has its place, but it should not replace offline communication.
Dozens of “Good morning Twitterers!” flow in my Twitter client. One of my “friends” has to go to the bank across town today. Good luck with that, friend. Another friend has just discovered a cool new video on YouTube. Of course she’s doing us the honor of sharing it, so we can have a laugh while enjoying our morning coffee. Someone hasn’t slept well. And a lot of other “friends” say they are bored. In no time, I’m getting “Heading to bed, good night all” updates. Has the day gone by already? How fun!
I soon realize that they’re people. Real people. Persons, with voices, thoughts and souls. People that I’ve been talking to (at) and that have been talking back (at me) for months now. And yet, I know nothing about them.
Sure, I know what time they get up and what time they go to bed at. I know where they hang out from time to time. I know they are busy, they have jobs, they are sometimes sad and sometimes happy, sometimes bored and sometimes excited. And sometimes, they get a cold. But doesn’t everybody? This approach to conversation is creeping into our lives more and more. We’re getting so used to communicating like this, that we do it more and more with flesh-and-bone people.
It seems that around 50% of Americans don’t have anyone to talk to about really important, deep stuff. That’s why therapists are doing so well in the US. We don’t open up unless opening up is institutionalized. There are many things that led to this situation. One of them is computers.
We’ve learned to think and communicate in their terms. We use computers 99% of the time at work, so we had to. The social software revolution made us available to our friends all the time, so we did not have to actually go meet them after work in order to talk to them cheaply. But this has side effects.
I believe that somehow this type of communication made us more closed. Everywhere we are, we act as if we’re behind a wall that protects us from the world. At work and at home, it may be the computer screen. On the road, in the metro or on the street it’s the iPod or mobile games. We’re rarely alone with our own thoughts, let alone the thoughts and voices of others. This makes us closed, suspicious, lacking empathy, temperamental.
I really believe in the value of old fashion conversation and I think we should do something about the situation that we’re in. There are more people on Earth than ever, but we’re lonelier than ever. There are more money, resources and people available than ever, yet many can’t seem to find their way in this world. If we could get back to the basics of it all - human communication - and make it better, I think we’d have a happier world.
As some of you may know, I’m building a great piece of social software right now together with our team: uberVU. As I dig deeper and deeper into the heart of what social software is, I find that it’s really useful to ponder about the history of social software a bit.
While some of you may think that social software started with Friendster, the truth is a bit more complicated. Social software actually started way back in the 1940s, with an enigmatic device called the Memex. This was before computers existed.
The history of social software is really interesting and will give you a lot of insights about how we got where we are and also about where we may be headed. If you’re interested in the subject, you’ll find this post a great resource.
It’s a really long post, so those of you with short attention spans should be returning to Twitter about now.